yes, it happened. I own a motorbike. again. it's a honda. again. it's even a pan european. again.
I still can't explain how it happened. after my accident, it took me over a month and a half before I was in good enough shape to even get back to cycling. and even when I did, it was a struggle. I spent over a month driving to work.
the last weekend before I gave up the courtesy car, I spent half the insurance payout, exchanged my 5 year old full size cycle, and brought myself a full-size ebike.
I told myself, this will be my vehicle of choice for the foreseeable future.
except that... a few weeks later, I fell sick.
and that's when I realized, cycling's great when you're healthy, but simply impossible when you're battling an infection. and my infection was bad.
what started off as an idle thought of getting another bike, now had a note of urgency to it.
truth be told (and this might sound like blasphemy to people who know me well), I'd have been equally happy with a car. but it's just the way things happened. the car thing simply didn't work out, and the bike thing simply did. in fact, I put way more time and effort into car shopping, while pan europeans seemed to be following me around!
anyway. long story short... it's in the driveway. it hasn't left the driveway yet.
I know this isn't the usual me. this wasn't me when I purchased Vicki - that day, I literally rode around the parking lot because I didn't have the tax and insurance to be able to take it out on the road!
which also reminds me, I didn't post a photo of the day I purchased Vicki:
Compare that with today (I won't count yesterday as the tax hadn't been paid yet, and gov.uk doesn't allow you top register the purchase/sale of a vehicle after 7pm!) - I dusted the bike, then sprayed it with muc-off and hosed it down, cleaned the inside of the panniers, even fitted the phone mount.
But I didn't ride it. I didn't even sit on it.
Was it because I'm unwell? I guess to some extent, yes - I am far from fit at the moment. My health keeps going between "I should be good to go back to work tomorrow" and coughing fits that make me half wish for a quick and painless end. But I'm not too unwell to take a spin around the block at least.
No, that's not it. I'm still not ready to face the world on a motorbike.
I'm just too nervous at intersections, inclines, uneven surfaces, around vehicles, and all possible permutations and combinations of them. And worst of all, while I've spent years riding around on worse combinations, the trauma from the accident has left me extremely nervous about getting back on the world on a motorbike. I'm fine on a cycle - in fact, the day I fell sick, I had cycled some 45km, and literally got home because I was hungry and wanted to eat something home cooked! But there's something about getting back on a motorbike, and riding it out, inevitably passing that junction where the accident happened, that fazes me.
I know I'll have to come to terms with it at some point.
I know I'll have to get back to riding again.
But for now, I'm not sure if I'm ready.
I have a feeling she is, though.
16th October 2023
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