the middle-aged blog

blogs have personalities. blogs change. blogs age.

sometimes, sadly, blogs are stillborn. but the ones who make it through, will probably flourish in some sense.

a newborn personal blog is quite rough at the edges. experimenting around with features, widgets, layouts, colour schemes that change by the week. in one word, unpredictable. they're full of pent-up energy, stories, ideas. and everything seems like a good idea. the overflow of ideas can make it directionless. and in all these senses, the blog is childish. but nobody really cares too much about the personality of a young blog, because the author is probably the only reader and definitely the biggest fan.

and then there's blog youth. when the blog finds its rhythm, is lively, fun. finds its direction. explores its spaces, occasionally goes beyond, subtly altering its direction in the process. the best part of a blog's life.

but at some point, the blog becomes a victim of its own maturity. the expected standard of posts becomes exceedingly higher, and hence the quantity of posts becomes increasingly lower. barely any self-proclaimed junk can make it past the publish button. it is so set in its direction, that quirks become rare. posts get re-read, proofread, edited for style. the layout and theme is so set, it can't be changed easily. everything just works. and hence, nothing can really change.

that's where i think this blog is at, now. i don't want to reinvent it, because i'm happy with the way it is, but i realize something's missing. my posts these days are nothing i'll be embarrassed about 5 years later (i hope!). i don't think i can go back to posting jokes, crying about missing an ex, sharing my favourite songs' lyrics. because feel my blog has grown past that. my last decision to make it more lively with photos, fell flat when i didn't post a single photo after the announcement.

and now, i'm wondering where it's all headed to. more middle age? senility? death? or some misplaced attempts at acting youthful again?

maybe i should go back to stop caring about who reads what, and write for myself. make it personal again. throw away this act of political and grammatical correctness. make it more like the real life, uncut, uncensored "me".

i wonder.