(un)luck

I think of luck the way I think of black magic:

if you believe in it, it has power over over you.

but you know what's the other thing about luck?

when you curse luck, it curses you back.

and it's not just luck. it applies to all sorts of creations of our minds. it's just that we don't usually think about what we were thinking before something happened to us. and usually, I wouldn't either. but something happened a few weeks ago that made me sit up and start thinking.

it was exactly 4 weeks ago (almost to the minute). I was riding home after a long day at work. it wasn't just long because of work, but because of something very personal. I was in a terribly dark mood, and frankly, I still don't know why I felt *that* bad.

that ride home, I was thinking about death. my own death.

I wasn't thinling about suicide, but in a way, I almost was. it was more like how I'm so near death so many times a day, and how easy it is to die, because of my mistake, someone else's mistake, or a combination of both.

I was thinking of what sort of things could lead to nasty injuries but not death, death with no chance of survival, all sorts of these things.

I also had thoughts about engineering some of those situations.

and then I turned to get off link road.

the rest is history.