a letter to a friend

dedicated to mich:

we're all born to be fighters, from our first cry to our last breath. but in between the fights, there are moments that make it all worth it. think about the year gone by. it wasn't perfect, but then again, nobody else's was, is or will be. but what matters is that things happened that made you smile, laugh, forget about the past, dream about the future. and they will happen again.

think back. did you ever feel this terrible before? the worst of your past may not feel as depressing as your present, but how bad did it feel back then? life is full of ups and downs. like a rollercoaster, you'll never know how low it will go or how high it will take you. and it doesn't matter either. what matters is that the end of the ride, you will look back and feel that it was all worth it. and you can't say that it's over until feel with all your heart that it was worth it.

i've given up on things i can say. i think your inner voice speaks to you louder than any of us ever will.

may god bless you!

The compulsive communicator

I can't believe i was an introvert around 5 years ago.

i'm now at the crazily opposite place, where i go insane if i think of something to say and don't have someone to say it to.

the blog, twitter, facebook (and to an extent, even the people i offlinely hang out with) are sometimes just avenues to express myself.

even if nobody's listening.

the only things that probably let me get away with not being able to speak out are my short attention span and my appetite for #awesomeness :)

One

I had an awesome bike ride yesterday. The first time i actually enjoyed off-roading. The feeling of being in control even when things aren't exactly following your command is exhilarating. But that's not the greatest thing i got from the trip.

rather, it was one moment, over halfway through our dirt-biking, when i felt like turning my iPod on. Minimum volume so it didn't distract me.

it made the world quieter, and everything seem faraway. And it was just me, tiesto playing "in my memory", the throb of three bikes' labouring engines, gravel crunching, and birds chirping.

the union of sublime music, solace, mind, machine and nature.

it was a moment to live for.

it's personal

yesterday, i wasn't really in a hurry to get home, so i was riding slowly. this was the road just behind my office, which is rather vehicle-free (albeit rough in patches).

keeping an eye on the rearview, i noticed a scooter approaching quickly from behind. stuck to the median (i was already near the right) while it zoomed past.

the young woman who was riding pillion took a long look at me, and slowly, deliberately, extended her arm towards me and gave me the finger.

i sped up a bit and tailed it from a few metres away (it was a scooter after all), and watched her then deliberately extend her other arm, and stick out her finger, and then wave both of them, making some sort of flying motion with her arms as she did so.

i went back to my slow cruising and put some distance between us.

the scooter went another way (a shorter, bumpier route) while i went mine, and our paths met again two intersections ahead.

this time she kept her arms to herself, but smiled at me as i zoomed past.

i really wonder what she wanted me to think.

Foresight is always 20/20

I just dreamed that my life was struck by a catastrophe.

i survived it, but only just about.

i woke up in a funk. What if it (or something of equal proportions) were to happen to me now?

one thing was clear: i'd live my life differently.

but i also realised that there was nothing i could find in my past that would hinder the changes i envisaged in my post-apocalyptic future.

which led me to conclude that however incongruent my current plan of action may be with the possibility of a future disaster, it's still a good one to follow.

because as long as i live with no regrets, i have no disaster to fear.

and that's what i call 20/20 foresight.

respect for life

i have no respect for people who put their kids' lives in danger.

today was particularly bad. two incidents in 10 minutes, on my ride home.

one guy with 2 kids on his scooter. one little fellow (not more than 3, for sure), standing in front, and one probably a year older, sitting behind, holding on to him. and *sleeping*.

the kid was so sleepy, that when one of the guys on another scooter screamed at this rider, he stopped and made the kid stand in front too, and the kid was actually dozing off while standing, in the few seconds i had to observe. and then the signal turned green, the guy started his scooter and resumed his ride.

a few kilometres ahead, i was heading towards a section with a gap in the median, at a rather decent speed, since there were no vehicles anywhere in sight.

and then i saw a bike crossing the opposite side of the road, guy riding, with a kid on the tank, and two more riding pillion.

something clicked in my head as i realized the guy was heading across the road a bit too quickly to just be crossing over to the rightmost lane. no, it looked more like he was heading across all the lanes, right into my path.

lights flashing and horn blaring, i braked screechingly hard, and finally stopped a few feet from broadsiding him. the guy finally looked to his left and at me. waved out to me and winked, still making his way across the road.

he fuckin *winked* at me.

Keep walking.

2009 felt like a year when lots of good things were started. 2010 was a year of the culmination of a lot of those things, and realignment with some others.

2011, on the other hand, might prove to be a tough nut to crack. The stage has been set for bigger and better things, but lofty goals require a greater sense of direction, and the strength to stay true to that direction.

that's what i pray for today: direction and strength.

may god bless us all.